Climbing the Corporate Ladder: Overcoming Barriers and Embracing Empowerment Pt-1

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Chris P. Reed: I think many people who

dive in have aspirations of climbing

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that, you know, corporate ladder.

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And the way that I've thought about

it for a very long time, years

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now, you know, almost 20 years

is, it's three phases to a career.

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Now different people might have

different things that they've read

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about or applied, but for me it's, you

go through the first stage is survive.

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The second stage is to thrive.

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And these are all emotional,

you know, psychological stages.

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Right.

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And then the last stage is to create where

you get to a point where you so up there

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that you can put other people on, or you

can guide people at that point in time.

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And that's the Holy grail to me.

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We'll

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Tony Tidbit: discuss race and how it

plays a factor and how we didn't even talk

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about this topic because we were afraid.

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BEP Narrator: A black.

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Tony Tidbit: Welcome to a Black Executive

Perspective podcast, the safe space where

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we discuss all matters related to race,

especially race in corporate America.

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I'm your host, Tony Tidbit

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Chris P. Reed: and I'm

your co host, Chris P.

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Reed.

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Tony Tidbit: And again,

we are live at WNHU 88.

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7 on the Richter dial University,

New Haven's podcast studio.

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Want to thank them for hosting a

black executive perspective podcast.

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Actually, the students

will be back next week.

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So we've got a lot of

people running around here.

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So we look forward to

seeing them go chargers.

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Chris P. Reed: We also want to

thank and help to appreciate

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our partners at CODE M Magazine.

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com CODE M magazine, where the

mission is saving the black family

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by first saving the black man.

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That's CODE M Magazine to m.

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com.

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Tony Tidbit: Code M.

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Check them out.

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So today, Chris and I are going

to explore the challenging

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journey up the corporate ladder.

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Focusing on personal and widespread

hurdles, we'll discuss imposter

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syndrome and the effect on

professionals in corporate America.

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We're going to debunk myths around

corporate hierarchies and the limitations

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of rigid job roles that stifle creativity.

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We'll also exam workplace politics,

revealing the patterns that

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influence leadership advancement

and how subjective criteria.

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Often change the standards of success.

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So my brother, you ready to dive

in into the corporate leadership,

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corporate ladder, uh, topic.

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Chris P. Reed: Absolutely.

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You know, this

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Tony Tidbit: is something we

both been working in corporate

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America for a long period of time.

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So, uh, you ready to tackle it?

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Chris P. Reed: And give

it our perspective.

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Tony Tidbit: All right, buddy.

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Let's talk about it.

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Chris P. Reed: All right.

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The one thing, you know, I think that

when you are going to do something,

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you want to do your best at it.

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And that includes your career.

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And so if you get into this

area of corporate America.

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I think many people who dive

in have aspirations of climbing

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that, you know, corporate ladder.

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And the way that I've thought about

it for a very long time, years

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now, you know, almost 20 years

is, is three phases to a career.

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Now different people might have

different things that they've read

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about or apply, but for me is you go

through the first stage is survive.

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The second stage is to thrive.

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And these are all emotional, you

know, psychological stages, right?

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And then the last stage is to create where

you get to a point where you so up there

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that you can put other people on, or you

can guide people at that point in time.

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And that's the Holy grail to me is when

you can create lives and opportunities

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for those who are developing and

coming up under you, you know, in

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the same route, but it's a tough

climb and understanding how and when

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and where to move and position and

attack and fall back and all of that.

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It becomes very tough, especially when

you come from a certain environment

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or you come from a certain personality

perspective where you, you know, um,

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you seem somewhat out of your element

depending on how you were raised.

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You know, I say all the

time, Ivy league schools.

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Teach leaders like you go to, you go to

Harvard to become in charge of something.

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You don't go to Harvard

to become an employee.

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You know what I mean?

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They don't have that.

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They don't really have that class, right?

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You learn how to lead employees.

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You go to other schools to learn

how to fit in and make it work

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or whatever the case may be.

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So those of us who didn't have that

silver spoon or didn't have that, The

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education geared at making you in charge

of others, you have to find your way.

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And it's a personality mix.

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It's a kind of figuring it out.

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I earlier I was talking to some

brothers and talked about it

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like being double Dutch, right?

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You learning, you rocking back and forth,

knowing when to jump in, you know, without

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getting hit in the face with the rope.

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Right.

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And so in that regard, I think

that I know you and I had a candid

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conversation recently where your

personality being, uh, someone just

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naturally who you are, the military,

all these other things kind of helped

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you go in there with your chest out.

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And it was like, I can do this.

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And I came in a different

side door, right?

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You came in the front door.

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I came in the service.

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I came in the side door and just

wanted to figure it out and survive.

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And so I think that would be important for

us to talk about those two perspectives

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and how we navigated our careers to

end up meeting each other ultimately,

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which was which was a wonderful thing.

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But the reality of it is, uh, it's

more than one way to skin a cat.

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And you and I are two, you know,

examples of Different perspectives

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on things as it relates to that

corporate hierarchy, that dynamic of

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gaining or ascending up the ladder.

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And I think it's a valuable,

uh, conversation to be had.

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Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

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Well, number one, thank

you for that, my brother.

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I really appreciate it.

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So right off the bat, so I'm

going to, there's, you said a lot.

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They kick us off, which I

really appreciate, right?

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Um, some of it I agree with,

some of I disagree with, right?

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But before I get into that, I

want, I want to back up because

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you said there's three levels.

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You said there's survive,

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Chris P. Reed: survive,

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Tony Tidbit: what was the second level?

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Chris P. Reed: Thrive.

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Tony Tidbit: Thrive.

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And then the third level was what?

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Chris P. Reed: Create.

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Tony Tidbit: Okay.

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So just do me a favor,

do everybody a favor.

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When you say survive,

like, what do you mean?

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Chris P. Reed: So you get into this job.

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So this is, think about young you, anybody

that was a young you, you get into this

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job and you want to show that you belong.

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You want to show that you're going to make

it past this 90 day probationary period.

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You want to get vested in the,

in the 401k, you know, you

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want to get vested in the 401k.

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You just want to make sure that this works

for you as much as it works for them.

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And that's really, you want to

survive the, the newness of things.

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You want to figure it out.

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You want to understand

how things go around here.

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And you want to see where you could

apply your best self to the situation.

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To me, that's level one.

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And it depends on if you feel equipped

or capable of that role, or if you got

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hooked up or whatever the case may be to

get in there, you might have a little more

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paranoia as it relates to your survival.

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But everybody that starts something new

should start with a baseline of having

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something to hang their hat on, prove.

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Give the first impression, whatever

the case may be in that regard.

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Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

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So, so that makes total sense.

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So I, so the word survive is a tough word.

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Okay.

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Just from my perspective, I got a new job.

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I just want to survive.

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All right.

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So, but I like the part where you

said, Hey, you want to fit in.

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You want to come in and prove yourself.

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You want to learn the landscape

because that's really what it's about,

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right, is learning the landscape.

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I think the majority of people, when

they start a new job at, at Xerox or,

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you know, uh, Warner media or, uh, CBS or

whatever company they're, they're excited.

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They, they're, they have, their

eyes are wide open, right?

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They're coming in.

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They feel that they're

going to make a mark.

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They, they, they want to,

um, they're ambitious.

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They want to grow, right?

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They're not looking to stay stagnant.

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Right.

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So I think for the most part,

everybody, not everybody, but majority

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people start that way right now.

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Yes, you have to, uh, you know,

you have to learn the landscape.

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It reminds me of when I went in the army.

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Okay.

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When I went basic training.

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Okay.

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And I remember, uh, we were in

basic and they took us out to see

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some movie, some military movie.

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I can't remember.

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And because the drill sergeants

wasn't all over us, we started acting

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up a little bit in the theater.

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Okay, because the lights are

out, you know what I'm saying?

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We got, I mean, trust me up to this point.

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You have no freedom, right?

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These guys are all over, right?

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We get in the theater.

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We act in the fool.

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Okay, at least not to the

standards of what we were doing.

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Right?

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So as soon as the movie

is over, they, they.

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He was in formation, marches back.

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And I remember the first

sergeant saying something.

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He was like, look, we're not joining you.

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You're joining us.

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Okay.

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So in other words, you're going to follow

these rules or you ain't going to be here.

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And so it's no different when you go

to corporate America, there's rules,

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there's things that you need to learn.

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All right.

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For you to become successful going

into the military, I couldn't be

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successful doing my own thing.

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I had to follow the military a

little bit different because a

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lot more rigid stuff that nature

versus going into corporate America.

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And I just think the majority of

people who go in, they're excited.

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They want to do well, but they need to

learn the landscape and sometimes, but not

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learning the landscape can trip you up.

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Right.

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And if we go to today, it's totally

different now because a lot of

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companies are hybrid, right?

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Young people coming out of college,

you know, they're, they're maybe

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working two, three days from home.

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So they don't get a chance to go in

and learn the landscape, learn the,

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you know, You know, the etiquette.

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All right.

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When I was in the military, I had

to learn the etiquette, what to

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do, what to say, how to stand,

how to look all those type things.

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Take your hat off when you come

inside, put your hat, all those things.

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Right?

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So same thing in corporate America.

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You want to come in and you

want to learn the etiquette.

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The landscape, how to deal with

your coworkers, how to navigate or

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communicate with your boss, how you

learn stuff, not just, uh, directly,

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but indirectly how you build your brand.

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So there's a million things

that you need to learn.

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But at the end of the

day, you won't learn.

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If, um, if, if, if you won't

learn in terms of not being

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there or not being involved.

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So to me, that's the first part.

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Now, if you want to say

that's part of surviving.

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It.

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Chris P. Reed: Okay.

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Tony Tidbit: All right,

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Chris P. Reed: Tony.

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I've seen some people who were

capable young and they didn't

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have any survival skills.

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And so what happened was, and I can

tell you verbatim, I had a leader

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come to me and say, Hey, why is

why are we losing young talent?

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What is the issue?

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Well, first of all, it's the

young talent and it's how you

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got to understand them where they

are and and how they see things.

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But more importantly, I sat through an

orientation dynamic for new hires and

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interns and things like that, where a

guy that was at a senior vice president

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position said to these young folks.

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I see so much talent and it was political,

but these kids don't see it that way.

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I see so much talent in the audience.

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One day I might be working for you.

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And they took that more

literal than they should have.

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Right?

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So they come in and they work two

months, three months, and they

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like, when is the next brass ring?

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When is the promotion?

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When is the, you know, I, I, I mentored a

guy at a 23 years old making six figures.

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I'm thinking, He on easy street.

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He got a good trajectory.

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He going to work talking about

being a billion, a millionaire.

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And I was like, you in the wrong

environment in a fortune 15

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company talking about, you need

to hurry up and be a millionaire.

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That, that takes time

for that cake to bake.

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And so these kids come in entitled,

so they come in and then they get

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disenchanted and then they, they leave

or they get pushed out because they

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get mad because I was told by him that

within three years I could be his boss.

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Tony Tidbit: Why the hell did you believe

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Chris P. Reed: that?

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Tony Tidbit: I mean, But,

but is that surviving?

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Is that's just the expectations

are not setting the right, right.

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Yeah, because you were, you're right.

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They, they, there is a different level,

you know, uh, of expectations or you, you

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want to use the word entitlement, right.

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You know, when I was coming up.

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You were just happy to have a job, right?

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You were happy to be there.

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Um, and at the day, you, uh, you

did whatever people told you to do.

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That's right.

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And so, because that was part,

that was part of, yeah, so, okay.

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You want to say survive, but at

the end of the day, you want to

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grow in the organization, right?

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That's correct.

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So you, you, you were going to be tutored.

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All right.

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By people who've been there

for a long period of time.

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So they're going to show you the ropes.

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And now they don't always tell you,

I'm going to show you the ropes,

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but it's just automatically you

learn from people who've been there

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for a long period of time, right?

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You had no expectations in terms

of you're going to get promoted.

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You want to get you, your goal

is to get promoted, but you

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didn't, there wasn't a timeframe.

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There was none of that, right?

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The goal was I'm going to come in,

I'm going to work hard and they're

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going to know, hopefully they know

my name and I'm able to move up.

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That's as far as you,

most people would think.

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Okay.

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So, so yeah, it is totally different.

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I just think that, and, and, and, and

just because somebody took it literally.

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Okay.

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Cause look, I've been in places

before and people said that,

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Hey, there's great talent here.

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One of you guys, believe it

or not, you guys are gonna.

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You know, take over and

you're going to be leaders.

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I don't think we took it

like, all right, next week.

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All right.

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Or in a couple of weeks or in a

few months, we're going to do that.

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We just took it as, I don't

even think to be fair.

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I don't even, and again,

I'm speaking for myself.

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I don't even think that I even took it as,

I just remember it was a conversation and

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I didn't even look at it as this, this is

me, or this could be me or whatever the

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case may be, because you are a hundred

percent focus on doing a good job.

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Right.

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That's number one.

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Learning your job and doing a good job.

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That's it.

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Okay.

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And then from there you get visions

of grandeur and stuff to that nature.

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But at the day, you're trying,

you're getting a paycheck.

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You want to get paid.

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Okay.

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And you want to come in and you want

people to say, Hey, Chris did it.

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We like Chris.

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We like Tony.

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We like Noel.

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We like Michaela.

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We like them.

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Right.

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That's number one before

anything else happens.

323

: 00:14:25

Right.

324

: 00:14:26

So, so I just think.

325

: 00:14:28

So I'm, all I'm saying is that the

survive thing, I hear you, right.

326

: 00:14:32

But I just think it's like learning

how to navigate the landscape.

327

: 00:14:37

All right, because sometimes to your point

there, the expectations are out of whack.

328

: 00:14:42

Okay.

329

: 00:14:43

And, and to your point, we've seen

people want to leave after six months

330

: 00:14:47

because they didn't get a promotion.

331

: 00:14:49

Okay.

332

: 00:14:50

Or this, you know, I, my, I

didn't think this was what I

333

: 00:14:53

thought it was going to be.

334

: 00:14:54

Right.

335

: 00:14:54

So I just think that at the end of

the day, those are, um, You know,

336

: 00:14:58

I think that, I think that's more

of a society, a generational stand.

337

: 00:15:02

Chris P. Reed: I do too.

338

: 00:15:03

And so one of the things that's showing

up in studies is the commitment or

339

: 00:15:08

the patients that's being exercised

by the Gen Z, the, you know, the

340

: 00:15:13

younger, you know, folks in the

idea of the biggest investment that

341

: 00:15:17

you'll make classically, of course,

somebody's going to say a house, right?

342

: 00:15:20

So that's, that's just no, no big

investment as a house, but your house,

343

: 00:15:23

your car, Your education and your

career, like these are significant

344

: 00:15:29

investments, but people are not looking

at their career as an investment.

345

: 00:15:33

And as you know, by investing in

things, you get in early, you continue

346

: 00:15:38

to put in on it and it grows slowly.

347

: 00:15:41

It's not hitting the lick.

348

: 00:15:42

It's not hitting the jackpot is not

taking these big wild swings and

349

: 00:15:46

these big gambles, but people tend to

want to do that more and more often.

350

: 00:15:50

Recently in their career, they

want to, they want to come in hot.

351

: 00:15:54

They want to come in and be the

supervisor day one and tell you

352

: 00:15:57

how they think it should go.

353

: 00:15:58

And it's like, hold up, have you,

we've been around for a hundred years

354

: 00:16:02

as a company and you come in all

these bright ideas and then you get

355

: 00:16:04

frustrated and upset because we're not

taking everything you say verbatim.

356

: 00:16:08

To the CEO and and that's what I

mean by you got to come in and kind

357

: 00:16:12

of like you said peep the scene.

358

: 00:16:14

Understand the landscape,

see where you can fit in.

359

: 00:16:17

And make it to the anniversary,

make it the two anniversaries.

360

: 00:16:21

They don't get to the point

where your reputation is.

361

: 00:16:24

So, um, disgruntled because you

got all these ideas, they not

362

: 00:16:28

putting into place and all this net.

363

: 00:16:30

And you have a lot of these

younger entrepreneurs, these,

364

: 00:16:33

these kids that are free thinkers.

365

: 00:16:35

Outside the box.

366

: 00:16:35

Remember that became a thing.

367

: 00:16:36

We want people to think

outside the box and all that.

368

: 00:16:39

Well, like you said, from a military

perspective, y'all can't have a whole

369

: 00:16:41

bunch of outside the box, people in the

army that don't, that's called chaos.

370

: 00:16:45

It don't work.

371

: 00:16:45

Here's

372

: 00:16:47

Tony Tidbit: the thing though, buddy.

373

: 00:16:48

So let me ask you this question.

374

: 00:16:51

How long does a job become a career?

375

: 00:16:58

Chris P. Reed: For my and

I'll give you my testimony.

376

: 00:17:00

My testimony was like most people.

377

: 00:17:03

I think it's, it's in the high

seventies now of people who don't

378

: 00:17:06

have a role in what they got a

degree in or what the school for.

379

: 00:17:10

Right.

380

: 00:17:10

And it might be higher than that.

381

: 00:17:11

Tony Tidbit: I get that point.

382

: 00:17:12

What I'm saying is, is that how long.

383

: 00:17:15

Does somebody have to work somewhere

where it becomes, they come in and

384

: 00:17:21

have a job and then after a certain

amount of time, they now have a career.

385

: 00:17:26

What's the, what's the,

what's the timeframe on that?

386

: 00:17:28

Chris P. Reed: Yeah, I don't, I don't,

I don't know the timeframe on that.

387

: 00:17:31

I think that it's a matter of

when you get in, it's kind of

388

: 00:17:34

like a liberal arts education.

389

: 00:17:35

You get in and figure out what

attracts you and what you're good at.

390

: 00:17:38

But as I was stating, You just

want a job to start off with,

391

: 00:17:42

you just want to get in the door.

392

: 00:17:45

Tony Tidbit: But that's the point.

393

: 00:17:45

So, so that's why we have to understand

the majority of people who start off.

394

: 00:17:49

It's just a job,

395

: 00:17:50

Chris P. Reed: just a job, not a career.

396

: 00:17:52

Tony Tidbit: Right.

397

: 00:17:53

Correct.

398

: 00:17:53

So when it's just a job, okay.

399

: 00:17:56

You're not, uh, uh, a

hundred percent sold on it.

400

: 00:18:00

You're not a hundred

percent committed to it.

401

: 00:18:02

Correct.

402

: 00:18:03

So they don't give you what you want.

403

: 00:18:05

You're willing to come because

there's no investment yet.

404

: 00:18:09

Right.

405

: 00:18:09

And to be fair, unless you a doctor.

406

: 00:18:12

Right.

407

: 00:18:12

Or you a lawyer or something of that

nature, the majority of people who

408

: 00:18:16

come into corporate America, they

start off with a job and then after a

409

: 00:18:20

while navigating and you start liking

what you do and you start liking the

410

: 00:18:25

people around you and then you can

see an avenue or where you could go

411

: 00:18:29

and then it becomes a career, right?

412

: 00:18:32

And

413

: 00:18:32

Chris P. Reed: I believe that's when

the thrive hits, but Tony, people

414

: 00:18:35

aren't even giving it a chance.

415

: 00:18:36

It's like a relationship with a woman.

416

: 00:18:38

You got to get a chance.

417

: 00:18:40

To mature and marinate to get to

the point where you're willing to

418

: 00:18:43

engage, get engaged and get married.

419

: 00:18:45

But you got people that's just

hopping around from like they

420

: 00:18:48

dating everything because they so

421

: 00:18:50

Tony Tidbit: impatient.

422

: 00:18:51

Let me ask you this stuff.

423

: 00:18:52

So again, all right.

424

: 00:18:53

So, you know, it's easy to sit back and

be like, they doing this, they doing that.

425

: 00:18:58

Let me ask you this.

426

: 00:18:59

Yeah.

427

: 00:18:59

When you, when you graduated

college, how many jobs did you have

428

: 00:19:05

Chris P. Reed: when I was in one

429

: 00:19:06

Tony Tidbit: place for, and

you stayed there for years?

430

: 00:19:09

Chris P. Reed: No, I left, I left, I left

after a year, a couple of years, a couple

431

: 00:19:13

of years, about a year, a year and a half.

432

: 00:19:15

And then what

433

: 00:19:16

Tony Tidbit: did you do after that?

434

: 00:19:17

Was it in the same field?

435

: 00:19:19

Chris P. Reed: No, it was in the field.

436

: 00:19:21

No, exactly.

437

: 00:19:22

And

438

: 00:19:22

Tony Tidbit: then you went, you see my

point here, my brother got you is that at

439

: 00:19:25

the end of the day, when you first come

out of school or military, whatever the

440

: 00:19:30

case may be, when you first, you don't

know if this is going to be forever.

441

: 00:19:34

Okay, you're that's why

it's about learning.

442

: 00:19:38

And navigating, right?

443

: 00:19:40

The main thing is doing your best,

444

: 00:19:43

Chris P. Reed: right?

445

: 00:19:44

Tony Tidbit: That's the key.

446

: 00:19:45

You, I, I've been at places

where, you know, I didn't, uh, I

447

: 00:19:49

remember I was at, I think it was a

traveler's insurance company, right?

448

: 00:19:52

Chris P. Reed: And I was in,

449

: 00:19:54

Tony Tidbit: I was in the accounting.

450

: 00:19:55

I was NCA accounting,

accounting clerk there.

451

: 00:19:58

So it was back then.

452

: 00:20:00

Late eighties, right?

453

: 00:20:02

And I remember the, uh, senior director

or VP, somebody, he came to me because

454

: 00:20:08

again, I I'm telling you, you come

in, you work, I came in, worked hard.

455

: 00:20:12

I wasn't thinking about,

I want to go here.

456

: 00:20:14

I want to go here.

457

: 00:20:15

This was a job.

458

: 00:20:16

Okay.

459

: 00:20:17

It was a job at travelers

insurance company.

460

: 00:20:19

20, 000 people worked there.

461

: 00:20:21

It was a job.

462

: 00:20:22

Okay.

463

: 00:20:23

And the bottom line is I

was doing such a good job.

464

: 00:20:26

I remember senior director

VP, he came by one day.

465

: 00:20:30

And he sat, he sat, uh, came

and sat on my table, my desk.

466

: 00:20:34

And he said, you know, Tony, you know,

you can make a lot of money doing this.

467

: 00:20:37

Right.

468

: 00:20:37

Something to that point, he

was giving me a pep talk.

469

: 00:20:40

Right.

470

: 00:20:41

And I was like, Oh, for real?

471

: 00:20:42

He was like, yeah, you know, you're

doing well, blah, blah, blah.

472

: 00:20:44

Right.

473

: 00:20:45

Yeah.

474

: 00:20:45

Today I wasn't looking

for that to be my career.

475

: 00:20:49

It was a job, you know what I'm saying?

476

: 00:20:52

So I didn't, wasn't looking to stay

at traveler's insurance company

477

: 00:20:55

for 20 years and some people did.

478

: 00:20:57

Right.

479

: 00:20:57

So my point I'm trying to make is

that part, the, the, the first thing

480

: 00:21:02

when you come into corporate America

is you're coming in with the mindset.

481

: 00:21:07

Number one, if you want to do a

good job, you want to work hard.

482

: 00:21:10

You want a good, good job.

483

: 00:21:11

And then you want to

navigate and learn the ropes.

484

: 00:21:14

You may not stay there for a

long period of time, because

485

: 00:21:18

here's the other caveat to that.

486

: 00:21:19

What's the other piece to that,

that makes it that, um, Decide to

487

: 00:21:24

somebody who's going to stay in that.

488

: 00:21:27

Chris P. Reed: So for me, I

can tell you, I started off at

489

: 00:21:29

the state farm headquarters.

490

: 00:21:31

And when you say 18 months,

I was there for 18 months.

491

: 00:21:33

And let me tell you why I get

there and I'm thinking, man,

492

: 00:21:36

these people are so smart, they

dress so nice, all this, all that.

493

: 00:21:39

And after about six months,

that them rosy glasses had dull.

494

: 00:21:43

And I realized these people

ain't better than me.

495

: 00:21:45

Like they not smarter than me.

496

: 00:21:46

So I can compete here.

497

: 00:21:48

And I ran into a guy who

happened to be a director.

498

: 00:21:50

Yeah.

499

: 00:21:52

He telling me about his job.

500

: 00:21:53

Tell me about his role.

501

: 00:21:54

Tell me about his team.

502

: 00:21:55

He's giving me all this information.

503

: 00:21:56

I'm like, this is what

I would like to do this.

504

: 00:21:58

I would like to do this at State

Farm headquarters, blah, blah, blah.

505

: 00:22:01

Everything looks good.

506

: 00:22:02

And when I said, how

long have you been here?

507

: 00:22:04

And he was like, Oh no.

508

: 00:22:05

How long have you been director?

509

: 00:22:07

He said, I just became a

director two years ago.

510

: 00:22:08

And I was like, okay.

511

: 00:22:10

I like to keep in mind.

512

: 00:22:10

I'm 20, 24.

513

: 00:22:13

Right.

514

: 00:22:14

And I said, how long have

you been at the company?

515

: 00:22:15

He said 22 years.

516

: 00:22:16

I was like, Oh, I'm not waiting 20 years.

517

: 00:22:20

Like in my mind, I'm kid.

518

: 00:22:21

Right.

519

: 00:22:22

I'm not working 20 years

to become just a director.

520

: 00:22:24

You're like three levels above that.

521

: 00:22:26

No, I can't even do it.

522

: 00:22:27

And I ended up moving to another company.

523

: 00:22:30

Totally that I felt had a greater

trajectory for me and my talents at that

524

: 00:22:34

point in time, because like these kids

I'm talking about now, I thought that

525

: 00:22:39

I had more to offer than to wait around

because I felt like he was very talented.

526

: 00:22:43

I didn't know his whole story

in candor, didn't know his whole

527

: 00:22:46

story, but that's the thing.

528

: 00:22:48

When you get to these organizations, you

got to see your CEO, your executives, your

529

: 00:22:52

VPs, your directors, managers, and then.

530

: 00:22:55

Everybody else, right?

531

: 00:22:56

It's the lower levels.

532

: 00:22:57

That's just the corporate

hierarchy, right?

533

: 00:22:59

And he was only at the

second phase of that.

534

: 00:23:03

Like me and him was one level apart

as far as I was concerned in the

535

: 00:23:06

pantheon of how corporations run and

it took too long for him to get there,

536

: 00:23:10

Tony Tidbit: right?

537

: 00:23:10

Well, and again, those could

be personal situations, right?

538

: 00:23:13

Who knows?

539

: 00:23:13

He could have been a, you know, somebody

that wasn't a high performer and they

540

: 00:23:17

kept him on and then eventually he turned.

541

: 00:23:19

Yeah.

542

: 00:23:20

So there's a million reasons, right?

543

: 00:23:21

But what I was trying, what I was

alluding to was a lot of it also has

544

: 00:23:25

to do with You know, the, your boss,

do you get along with your boss?

545

: 00:23:30

Are you, do you have a

relationship with that person?

546

: 00:23:33

Right.

547

: 00:23:34

Do you like working with them?

548

: 00:23:35

Are there a good manager?

549

: 00:23:37

Are they, do they have your

best interests at heart?

550

: 00:23:40

Are they helping you grow?

551

: 00:23:41

Are you learning from them?

552

: 00:23:43

So those are a lot of the other, the,

the other, uh, uh, intangibles and why

553

: 00:23:47

people either leave or they cut out.

554

: 00:23:50

Right.

555

: 00:23:50

And so I think what we should do here,

let's, let's, let's, and again, like

556

: 00:23:55

you said, we, we, um, we've come in,

you know, we have different experiences,

557

: 00:24:00

but we have the same experiences, right?

558

: 00:24:02

So if somebody new was coming

in, they just graduated.

559

: 00:24:06

Oh, well, let me just say this.

560

: 00:24:07

I want to, the one area that I disagree

with you on was when you said, Hey, If you

561

: 00:24:12

go to Harvard, they're creating leaders.

562

: 00:24:14

You go to another school.

563

: 00:24:15

They, and I disagree with that.

564

: 00:24:16

Cause that's what

565

: 00:24:17

Chris P. Reed: they say, Tony.

566

: 00:24:18

I didn't say that.

567

: 00:24:18

Harvard said

568

: 00:24:19

Tony Tidbit: that what they want

to say, but go to, you could go to

569

: 00:24:23

university, uh, Milwaukee, Wisconsin,

and I'm not picking on a school.

570

: 00:24:27

I'm just, it just came to my head.

571

: 00:24:28

Right.

572

: 00:24:29

Right.

573

: 00:24:29

And graduate there and still

come in and be a leader.

574

: 00:24:33

So one of the things is, so, you know,

is that when you go to college and

575

: 00:24:37

you graduate, uh, uh, With a degree.

576

: 00:24:40

Okay.

577

: 00:24:41

Typically you start off depending on

the role, depending on, but a lot of

578

: 00:24:45

times you start off in management.

579

: 00:24:47

Okay.

580

: 00:24:48

So, so if you don't have a

degree, you ain't starting off

581

: 00:24:51

in management in the military.

582

: 00:24:53

If you have a degree, you don't have

to go to West Point, but if you, again,

583

: 00:24:57

you went to university of Wisconsin,

Milwaukee, and you have a degree,

584

: 00:25:00

you can start off as an officer.

585

: 00:25:02

Okay.

586

: 00:25:03

All right, which if you don't

have a degree, you start off

587

: 00:25:05

as a private since saying so by

going, it doesn't really matter.

588

: 00:25:10

Um, you can go to any college and

still come in and have leadership

589

: 00:25:15

qualities and stuff to that nature.

590

: 00:25:17

Or you could go to any college or

you could go to Harvard or, or,

591

: 00:25:22

or, or, uh, uh, Yale, whatever.

592

: 00:25:24

I don't have no leadership qualities.

593

: 00:25:26

Okay.

594

: 00:25:27

I just think that it's, it's,

you know, I just think it's

595

: 00:25:30

based on the individual, right?

596

: 00:25:32

I, yes.

597

: 00:25:33

To your point, do certain schools, you

know, focus, you know, on the, you're

598

: 00:25:38

going to lead, you're going to, you're

going to be this, you're going to create

599

: 00:25:41

this, you're going to be an entrepreneur,

you're going to be a bit, yes, I, I, I'm

600

: 00:25:44

not saying that's not the case, but I

just think that at the end of the day,

601

: 00:25:48

you go to school, regardless of what

school you got, you have the ability

602

: 00:25:52

and depending on what field you come

in, you can have the ability to start

603

: 00:25:55

off, you know, and, and be able to

move up into management pretty quickly.

604

: 00:25:59

Okay.

605

: 00:26:00

That doesn't mean you're

going to be successful.

606

: 00:26:04

Chris P. Reed: But, but, but it

goes back to, you know, life is

607

: 00:26:06

a confidence game, good, bad, or

indifferent life is a confidence game.

608

: 00:26:10

And there's some institutions

that reinforce that confidence.

609

: 00:26:15

They, they, it comes, if you go to Notre

Dame or Stanford or whatever, You come in

610

: 00:26:20

with a, with a different kind of scarlet

letter on your chest of confidence that

611

: 00:26:24

says they taught me to be better or to

be a leader or whatever the case may be.

612

: 00:26:28

And then you have situations where,

like you said, you went to Podunk

613

: 00:26:31

university, Spoon Valley community college

and you have all these intangibles,

614

: 00:26:36

but you have so much more to prove

because your resume doesn't resound.

615

: 00:26:40

You know what I'm saying?

616

: 00:26:41

From, from many different factors,

even from a, And of course,

617

: 00:26:44

for us as black professionals,

from a pay scale perspective,

618

: 00:26:48

Tony Tidbit: see, here's the thing, and

this is where we get and we're going to

619

: 00:26:51

talk about imposter syndrome shortly.

620

: 00:26:53

Okay, cool.

621

: 00:26:53

This is where we kind of this right here.

622

: 00:26:56

This conversation we have right now.

623

: 00:26:58

This is where, um, this starts

off with the imposter syndrome

624

: 00:27:02

stuff because we think people.

625

: 00:27:05

Because they went here or they got

this, or they have this degree or they

626

: 00:27:10

have this title that they're set up and

they're bad and they're not, because

627

: 00:27:14

in the day that all those things are

great, they're great, but at the end of

628

: 00:27:18

the day, human beings are human beings.

629

: 00:27:20

You could, there's people I know

went to West point scared to death in

630

: 00:27:25

terms of, you know, being a leader.

631

: 00:27:26

Don't even know how to act.

632

: 00:27:28

Devay, they're, they're faking

a funk because they still

633

: 00:27:31

don't feel it themselves.

634

: 00:27:32

They don't have confidence in them.

635

: 00:27:34

It doesn't really.

636

: 00:27:35

So my point is, and then, so a lot of

times when we go to school or when we

637

: 00:27:39

start a job, we start a job or we're

somewhere, and then we see that this

638

: 00:27:43

person's got a master's degree or this

and that, and they went to Dartmouth.

639

: 00:27:46

Oh man, how I'm going

to compete with that.

640

: 00:27:48

This, you know, I mean, this is where we

start piling on stuff that maybe at the

641

: 00:27:54

end of the day, that's great for them.

642

: 00:27:55

But that doesn't diminish you.

643

: 00:27:57

All right.

644

: 00:27:58

And that doesn't mean that they're,

you know, got it all together

645

: 00:28:01

because that's not true, right?

646

: 00:28:03

So, so I just think at the end of the

day, we all have to, you know, I, and

647

: 00:28:09

you said the word confidence at the first

thing, the first thing you have to obtain.

648

: 00:28:15

To be successful in anything

is confidence, right?

649

: 00:28:18

Would you agree with that?

650

: 00:28:19

Absolutely.

651

: 00:28:20

And then so how does that start?

652

: 00:28:22

You could, you could start at that.

653

: 00:28:24

You could be a valedictorian.

654

: 00:28:26

You could be on the Dean's list.

655

: 00:28:28

You could be.

656

: 00:28:28

But then when you start this company.

657

: 00:28:31

You don't have the confidence

yet that you're going to come in.

658

: 00:28:33

Sometimes you do, but then there could

be times that you still feel a little

659

: 00:28:36

insecure, or you don't think you rate

well enough, or even though you went

660

: 00:28:41

through all this type stuff, right.

661

: 00:28:42

And which can affect you in

terms of you being successful,

662

: 00:28:46

at least at that organization.

663

: 00:28:47

So I think one of the major

things is, is coming in.

664

: 00:28:51

And, um, you know, affiliating

yourself with the organization,

665

: 00:28:56

with your boss, with your coworkers,

getting confidence in doing the

666

: 00:29:01

job that they're asking you to do.

667

: 00:29:03

Right.

668

: 00:29:03

And then from there.

669

: 00:29:05

Those qualities and all the other things

that was, that you were, that was, you

670

: 00:29:09

were taught and stuff that nature most

likely would come to the forefront.

671

: 00:29:13

But I think for today, most people today,

when they come to corporate America.

672

: 00:29:20

Right.

673

: 00:29:21

Either.

674

: 00:29:22

And you said it, I think entitlement

is really the big thing that hamstrings

675

: 00:29:27

them because they have a sense of,

even if they ain't confident, even if

676

: 00:29:32

they're, you know, trying to hold on

or let's use your word survive, right?

677

: 00:29:37

They still say, well, it's been

six months and I still ain't, I

678

: 00:29:41

didn't go from account executive

to senior account executive.

679

: 00:29:43

All

680

: 00:29:43

Chris P. Reed: right.

681

: 00:29:44

Tony Tidbit: Well, I didn't go

from here to here and that's

682

: 00:29:48

the wrong attitude to have.

683

: 00:29:50

The attitude to have is you

come in and you work hard, okay?

684

: 00:29:55

And you, you, you assimilate and you, you

meet your coworkers and you make friends

685

: 00:30:01

and you build your brand that way, right?

686

: 00:30:03

Where other people in the

organization saying that Chris,

687

: 00:30:06

he's all, is he on your team, Tony?

688

: 00:30:09

He's great.

689

: 00:30:10

I love those little things are the

things that help you build your brand

690

: 00:30:15

and help set you up For promotions

and opportunities, not some, you

691

: 00:30:20

know, invisible, uh, timeframe.

692

: 00:30:22

Chris P. Reed: I agree, but you, you,

and we'll talk about this when we get

693

: 00:30:25

to the imposter syndrome, some companies

have began to acquiesce and create

694

: 00:30:30

these mid level roles or these tiered

structures to give people a vanity

695

: 00:30:34

title or whatever the case may be.

696

: 00:30:36

And so what happens is because

of social media, because of your

697

: 00:30:39

network, your alumni network,

things of that nature, you was.

698

: 00:30:42

First, third, fifth in your class.

699

: 00:30:44

Doesn't matter.

700

: 00:30:44

Right?

701

: 00:30:45

And then you graduated with some

people and Rob went to this firm and

702

: 00:30:49

you went to this firm and then Rob

eight months later is saying, woo hoo.

703

: 00:30:53

They gave me the next, you know,

keys to the private bathroom.

704

: 00:30:57

And you're like, hold

up, I'm better than Rob.

705

: 00:30:59

And that starts getting in your head

where you, if you don't have anybody,

706

: 00:31:02

uh, investing in you, or you don't have a

corporate dynamic that creates mentorship

707

: 00:31:07

or that helps you understand how things

go here, you're looking at Rob's situation

708

: 00:31:11

Inappropriately and comparing your climb

to Rob's climb or to whoever's climbing.

709

: 00:31:16

I've had people talk to me about this,

uh, a lot where they said, Hey, I went

710

: 00:31:21

to school with this guy, all the guys

I went to school with, they have these

711

: 00:31:24

places, they make it this kind of bread

and they doing this then the third.

712

: 00:31:27

And I'm like a haircut.

713

: 00:31:28

Don't look the same on everybody.

714

: 00:31:29

You have no idea what

else is going on there.

715

: 00:31:31

You don't have no idea.

716

: 00:31:32

You don't know the whole story.

717

: 00:31:33

You just know the highlights,

718

: 00:31:35

Tony Tidbit: but

719

: 00:31:35

Chris P. Reed: unfortunately

that starts to chip away.

720

: 00:31:38

At a psyche of people like a

disenfranchised people of people that

721

: 00:31:42

feel like they had to fight extra Anyway,

that starts to chip away at them because

722

: 00:31:45

they feel like man I got to the point

where I had a little bit of confidence,

723

: 00:31:49

got here and they saying, stay in the

corner, stay in the corner, stay, shut

724

: 00:31:52

up and dribble, stay in the corner.

725

: 00:31:54

And it chips away at you a little bit.

726

: 00:31:57

Tony Tidbit: I, so I hear that,

man, but this is where, again, I'm

727

: 00:32:00

just going by my own experience.

728

: 00:32:01

All right.

729

: 00:32:03

You know, I, and I, I, I just came

in and just wanted to do a good job.

730

: 00:32:11

I mean, I, I, I didn't

get caught up in all that.

731

: 00:32:14

Okay.

732

: 00:32:15

And, and, and don't get me wrong.

733

: 00:32:17

I've heard other people

say those things, right?

734

: 00:32:20

Oh, I've been here this time and

this, you know, I didn't get promoted.

735

: 00:32:23

All right.

736

: 00:32:23

And, you know, but it wasn't six months.

737

: 00:32:26

All right.

738

: 00:32:26

Well, I'm talking years ago.

739

: 00:32:27

Right.

740

: 00:32:27

So I've been a couple of

years or they passed me up.

741

: 00:32:30

I just heard those people and I just,

you know, that was their situation.

742

: 00:32:35

Right.

743

: 00:32:35

And to be fair.

744

: 00:32:37

You know, I've been in the ad

advertising industry since: 1997

745

: 00:32:42

Okay.

746

: 00:32:43

But just to be fair, everything

prior to that, it was no career.

747

: 00:32:48

Those was job.

748

: 00:32:50

All right.

749

: 00:32:51

And so when you're working at a

job, I'm just being honest with you.

750

: 00:32:55

You know, now, all that being said.

751

: 00:32:57

I got promoted at a lot of those jobs.

752

: 00:33:00

Okay.

753

: 00:33:01

But I wasn't looking to

stay at those companies.

754

: 00:33:03

Right.

755

: 00:33:04

And so, you know, I was always looking for

the next, better the next thing for making

756

: 00:33:09

more money and stuff to that nature.

757

: 00:33:11

But I wasn't looking like, Oh, this person

made this and I didn't, I was focused

758

: 00:33:16

on doing focus on what I can control.

759

: 00:33:20

And I think that's where

people want to be at.

760

: 00:33:24

What can you control?

761

: 00:33:25

You can control.

762

: 00:33:26

Two things, right, your attitude and your

work effort, okay, and by approaching that

763

: 00:33:34

nine times out of 10, what I've always

found out in my career, when I focus

764

: 00:33:38

on my attitude and my work ethic, nine

times in everything worked out, right,

765

: 00:33:44

all those things took care of themselves.

766

: 00:33:47

But if I'm looking left and I'm looking

right, and I'm trying to compare myself.

767

: 00:33:52

To all these other things then guess

what i'm not focused on the things i

768

: 00:33:56

need to be focused for me to become

successful And and here's the thing

769

: 00:34:00

though, too The other thing where people

miss it and you said it a few minutes

770

: 00:34:04

ago is that success is not linear Okay.

771

: 00:34:10

Since you came in, did you

go straight up like this?

772

: 00:34:12

But it wasn't sideways backwards,

773

: 00:34:15

Chris P. Reed: zigzag,

774

: 00:34:16

Tony Tidbit: right?

775

: 00:34:16

So it's not going to be that way.

776

: 00:34:18

Now there could be a few people that

they go like this, but that doesn't mean

777

: 00:34:22

it's meant for everyone to go like this.

778

: 00:34:25

And you never know when

they stack stagnate or they

779

: 00:34:27

go this, that, this, that.

780

: 00:34:29

So you got to run your own race.

781

: 00:34:31

You got to focus on you.

782

: 00:34:33

Right.

783

: 00:34:34

And look, there's a lot of,

uh, uh, uh, Things you can't

784

: 00:34:38

control this out of your control.

785

: 00:34:39

Some people may get promoted before you.

786

: 00:34:42

Some people may, but here's the thing.

787

: 00:34:44

You don't have to stay

at a company forever.

788

: 00:34:47

Okay.

789

: 00:34:48

But if you work hard and you build your

brand and you focus on that attitude

790

: 00:34:53

and that work ethic, guess what?

791

: 00:34:55

Some company will come

and say, guess what?

792

: 00:34:57

We'll take it.

793

: 00:34:59

We'll, we'll get, you see my point here.

794

: 00:35:01

And I just think that's where

we've kind of gone away from today

795

: 00:35:05

because like you said, companies

are, Hey, we'll give you this.

796

: 00:35:08

We'll give you this.

797

: 00:35:08

We'll give you this.

798

: 00:35:09

And nobody's really worked at it.

799

: 00:35:11

And then because they're getting

stuff that they haven't put

800

: 00:35:15

the work in, they're not ready.

801

: 00:35:17

And this is where the

imposter syndrome comes

802

: 00:35:19

Dr. Kristen Lee: in.

803

: 00:35:19

Imposter syndrome is something

that hooks many of us into an

804

: 00:35:24

idea that we're not good enough.

805

: 00:35:26

And by definition, maybe

you've heard about it.

806

: 00:35:28

It basically means it's, you know,

it's a situation of an intellectual

807

: 00:35:34

form of self doubt where we

start to really get in our heads.

808

: 00:35:38

We start to worry that our

accomplishments don't really

809

: 00:35:43

measure up to today's standards.

810

: 00:35:45

We feel a sense of underperformance.

811

: 00:35:47

We feel a sense of self scrutiny or worry

that maybe we didn't deserve the spot that

812

: 00:35:54

we have within an academic institution.

813

: 00:35:56

For example, we didn't deserve

our job, that if only people

814

: 00:36:00

really knew the real us.

815

: 00:36:02

And they discovered that, that they would

just be blown away at how bad we are.

816

: 00:36:07

And a word sometimes that

you could think of is like a

817

: 00:36:10

wannabe, or a fraud, or a phony.

818

: 00:36:14

And this is something that is a

reality in today's landscape, where

819

: 00:36:18

it feels like it's never enough.

820

: 00:36:20

No matter how much we accomplish,

there's always going to be more to do.

821

: 00:36:25

Chris P. Reed: So I think that that's

heavy because I can speak for myself

822

: 00:36:29

and the idea and it evoked some, some

memories for me where coming up and

823

: 00:36:35

playing sports, it was easy because

sports is a meritocracy, right?

824

: 00:36:39

Either you, you win or you don't

and you're talented or you aren't

825

: 00:36:43

and it shows up on the field on the

court or whatever the case may be.

826

: 00:36:46

When I first got into.

827

: 00:36:48

You know, corporate America was

a situation where I got promoted

828

: 00:36:51

quick early, like boom, boom, boom.

829

: 00:36:53

It was, and it was within a

matter of 8 months, 1 year.

830

: 00:36:56

Like, I remember 1 time I got a

promotion and I told the guy I haven't

831

: 00:36:59

even been in this position for a year.

832

: 00:37:00

He fell out laughing.

833

: 00:37:01

Right?

834

: 00:37:01

And so, but when I got to that corporate

headquarters, um, I had a boss and you

835

: 00:37:06

talked about this earlier a little bit.

836

: 00:37:08

You kind of touched on this.

837

: 00:37:09

I had a boss that was not supportive in

that regard and she was so non supportive

838

: 00:37:15

and wouldn't, for me, I felt like maybe

the VP who put me in that role should

839

: 00:37:21

have sold me better or, or buddy, like

she should have known that I came under

840

: 00:37:25

his recommendation because I thought she

did everything she could to run me off.

841

: 00:37:30

I thought she did everything she could to

make me feel as if I don't belong here.

842

: 00:37:35

I was the youngest person

on the team by 16 years.

843

: 00:37:38

But my, my acumen, my ability was

there until she kept chipping away

844

: 00:37:43

at like, it would be silly little

things, but when you're in it, you

845

: 00:37:47

don't realize that's what's going on.

846

: 00:37:49

You think because I've been coached

by so many different type of coaches.

847

: 00:37:52

Oh, this is just her coaching style.

848

: 00:37:53

I'm just far exceed that.

849

: 00:37:54

I'm just going to show up and work

harder, work harder, work harder.

850

: 00:37:58

But I didn't realize I was negotiating.

851

: 00:38:00

Against someone who didn't have

the same destination as me.

852

: 00:38:04

Like we didn't, she didn't want mutual

benefit negotiations to come out of it.

853

: 00:38:08

She, I was negotiating against a bad actor

and it took for me in my young twenties

854

: 00:38:13

to realize at some point, wait a minute.

855

: 00:38:15

I think that she doesn't have, she

would take all my work up to the,

856

: 00:38:18

it wasn't until she was, I think

she was sick or some kind of FMLA

857

: 00:38:22

or something medical or whatever.

858

: 00:38:24

And they had a replacement come in

or somebody step in and her stead.

859

: 00:38:27

Yeah.

860

: 00:38:27

And, and the new person, lady named

Nikki, Nikki said, excuse me, you take

861

: 00:38:33

that contract up to the, to the seniors.

862

: 00:38:35

You do this, you do that, you did

all the work and I was like, Oh,

863

: 00:38:39

that's, that's never happened.

864

: 00:38:41

I never was allowed to shine and

thrive and get into feeling into that

865

: 00:38:45

confidence level of my own because

this woman rejected everything.

866

: 00:38:50

It was one point.

867

: 00:38:51

I'm gonna say this and then we can move

on just because it's, it's tough with me.

868

: 00:38:55

It was one point, Tony, that

I purposely created a contract

869

: 00:38:58

dynamic, presented it to her.

870

: 00:39:01

She rejected it because that's what she

always did and five iterations later gave

871

: 00:39:05

her the original one and she accepted it.

872

: 00:39:08

Tony Tidbit: I was

like, what are we doing?

873

: 00:39:10

Chris P. Reed: What are we doing here?

874

: 00:39:12

Tony Tidbit: Let me, let me

ask you this though, bro.

875

: 00:39:13

So that seems like more of you just had

a boss that didn't support you, but did

876

: 00:39:17

you, from an imposter syndrome standpoint,

Did you feel like I can't do this job?

877

: 00:39:22

Like I, I, I, they, um, they have me

here and I don't really fit the bill.

878

: 00:39:27

I don't, you know, I don't, um,

they're going to find out that

879

: 00:39:31

I really don't belong here.

880

: 00:39:33

Right.

881

: 00:39:34

Did you feel that way?

882

: 00:39:35

Because it sounded like it was something

883

: 00:39:36

Chris P. Reed: I must be missing.

884

: 00:39:38

I felt like she knows

she's in a lot of times.

885

: 00:39:41

Also, when you're young, you

believe that these titles and these

886

: 00:39:43

people have earned these spots.

887

: 00:39:45

You don't realize how the

corporation really works.

888

: 00:39:47

Right.

889

: 00:39:47

You think that they got there because

they did what they was supposed to do.

890

: 00:39:50

Once again, that

meritocracy, they did enough.

891

: 00:39:53

They're smart enough.

892

: 00:39:54

They're capable enough.

893

: 00:39:54

They're in a leadership role because

they're leaders now, because everybody

894

: 00:39:58

that's an individual contributor

is not designed to be a leader.

895

: 00:40:01

You have doers and leaders.

896

: 00:40:03

And just because you're a good doer

does not make you a good leader.

897

: 00:40:05

And I found out later by some teammates.

898

: 00:40:09

And some mentors that was her situation.

899

: 00:40:12

She was a good doer and then

she pushed back and told them

900

: 00:40:15

she wanted opportunity to lead.

901

: 00:40:17

And I happened to be

one of the Guinea pigs.

902

: 00:40:19

I happened to get into one of

the roles where, Hey, we're

903

: 00:40:22

going to kick the tires on her.

904

: 00:40:23

And she, she didn't last longer than me.

905

: 00:40:26

Let me put it like that.

906

: 00:40:27

But the fact is it did make me

sit back and say, wait a second.

907

: 00:40:31

I thought that I was this and that based

off of, but maybe this isn't for me.

908

: 00:40:37

Like you said, you, you get

in there, you realize what

909

: 00:40:40

works for you and what does it.

910

: 00:40:41

And because she was saying so vehemently,

this not my, this might not be for you.

911

: 00:40:46

You're not excelling.

912

: 00:40:47

And I had always excelled.

913

: 00:40:49

So think about that too.

914

: 00:40:50

When you've always excelled and you've

always showed up and showed out.

915

: 00:40:53

And then somebody in charge of you is

saying not good enough, not good enough.

916

: 00:40:57

I thought it was a coaching dynamic

where she wanted to bring more out

917

: 00:40:59

of me, but it was just exhausting me.

918

: 00:41:01

And that's where the

imposter syndrome kicked in.

919

: 00:41:03

Tony Tidbit: Yeah, I, again,

though, I, so I hear you.

920

: 00:41:06

I don't, I just think that's more

of you just had a bad boss, right?

921

: 00:41:10

You know, versus you getting up.

922

: 00:41:11

So look at it this way.

923

: 00:41:13

There's people who get

promoted into a position.

924

: 00:41:15

Okay.

925

: 00:41:16

They don't feel like they

are adequate to do that.

926

: 00:41:20

Forget the boss.

927

: 00:41:21

Chris P. Reed: Right.

928

: 00:41:22

Right.

929

: 00:41:22

Right.

930

: 00:41:22

Got you.

931

: 00:41:23

Even if the

932

: 00:41:23

Tony Tidbit: boss is supportive.

933

: 00:41:24

Right.

934

: 00:41:25

They don't feel like I can do this.

935

: 00:41:28

Right.

936

: 00:41:29

They're going to find me out.

937

: 00:41:31

They're afraid to give reports because

they feel that if they give the

938

: 00:41:34

report, it ain't going to look right.

939

: 00:41:36

Right.

940

: 00:41:37

So those type things, even though.

941

: 00:41:40

They are, have all the

capabilities of doing it, right?

942

: 00:41:44

It's just like, uh, the professor

said, and what was her name?

943

: 00:41:47

Just so we can give her some love, uh, Dr.

944

: 00:41:49

Kristen, uh, Lee, who's the professor

at Northeastern university, just like

945

: 00:41:53

she said, is that they don't feel.

946

: 00:41:56

That they can, they belong in this

situation and it's in your head, right?

947

: 00:42:02

Now the boss can make it worse.

948

: 00:42:04

Right.

949

: 00:42:04

But it seems like a situation that was

probably a person who just didn't like

950

: 00:42:08

you or might have been threatened by you.

951

: 00:42:11

And so, you know, so those, and these

are all the dynamics that you have

952

: 00:42:17

to deal with when you're dealing

with corporate America, right?

953

: 00:42:20

If you're dealing with all these

personalities and what other people's,

954

: 00:42:24

Um, um, What their, uh, goals are or lack

thereof and their insecurities and all

955

: 00:42:31

the other things that you got to learn

how to deal with and try to figure out.

956

: 00:42:35

Right.

957

: 00:42:36

But I think a lot of us, especially, and,

and, and let's go to the next clip because

958

: 00:42:40

she breaks down like what groups or who's

mostly affected by imposter syndrome.

959

: 00:42:46

Let's play the next clip.

960

: 00:42:48

Dr. Kristen Lee: Look at who is

affected by imposter syndrome.

961

: 00:42:50

For example, it happens in high achieving,

high performing roles for folks.

962

: 00:42:55

But it also happens to certain groups.

963

: 00:42:57

It happens to people disproportionately

because of race, because of class, because

964

: 00:43:03

of gender, because of sexual orientation.

965

: 00:43:07

and age and any of these other kinds of

categories where sort of there are this

966

: 00:43:13

in and out group situation or historic

and current tide of marginalization,

967

: 00:43:19

discrimination, and oppression.

968

: 00:43:22

So it's sort of this whole thing

of like a dominant group kind of

969

: 00:43:25

came to this decision of what was

good or what the metric should be.

970

: 00:43:29

Or sort of defining it for the whole,

even though that doesn't always fit.

971

: 00:43:34

Or also many times we have barriers

to access, um, in our lives and our

972

: 00:43:39

professional and personal lives.

973

: 00:43:41

Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

974

: 00:43:42

So, so you can see, this is something

that obviously high achieving people.

975

: 00:43:47

And one of the things, when you look

into it, you know, people who are

976

: 00:43:51

perfectionists, all right, have.

977

: 00:43:54

Impostors can, can be, can, uh,

we'll have a posture syndrome or

978

: 00:43:57

could be infected by it because

everything is not going perfect.

979

: 00:44:01

So they don't think that they rate.

980

: 00:44:02

Okay.

981

: 00:44:03

They don't think that they're,

you know, on that level, right?

982

: 00:44:06

I, I just, I, I, I'm, I must not

belong here because it didn't come out.

983

: 00:44:10

Right.

984

: 00:44:11

Okay.

985

: 00:44:11

Because they're perfectionists.

986

: 00:44:13

So that's number 1, but number 2.

987

: 00:44:15

The other thing is, is that Marge,

like she said, marginalized groups,

988

: 00:44:19

because what you're trying to do is

you're assimilating into areas that you

989

: 00:44:24

may not be familiar with, or you may

not have a mentor or sponsor, somebody

990

: 00:44:29

that's going to show you the ropes.

991

: 00:44:32

Okay, and then now you got to

stand up and you got to do it.

992

: 00:44:36

And so you're going

to, you may have doubt.

993

: 00:44:38

You may feel like, oh, and then 9 times

out of 10, we just talked about it.

994

: 00:44:44

You know.

995

: 00:44:45

A lot of times you got to

figure stuff out for yourself.

996

: 00:44:48

So, so let me give you an example.

997

: 00:44:50

I had worked, I got a job.

998

: 00:44:52

I was executive vice

president of this company.

999

: 00:44:56

And, um, I had to, uh, executive vice

president of sales, I should say.

: 1000

00:45:01,874 --> 00:45:07,875

And I had to go once a month to a

board meeting out in LA, meet with the

: 1001

00:45:07,945 --> 00:45:09,675

investors and stuff of that nature.

: 1002

00:45:10,045 --> 00:45:14,525

Talk about, you know, our numbers and

projections and all that type stuff.

: 1003

00:45:14,525 --> 00:45:14,825

Right.

: 1004

00:45:16,175 --> 00:45:17,895

I remember on the airplane.

: 1005

00:45:18,515 --> 00:45:18,905

Right?

: 1006

00:45:19,325 --> 00:45:21,305

Flying there, going to L.

: 1007

00:45:21,305 --> 00:45:28,325

A., scared, because I never did that

before, okay, and can I really do this?

: 1008

00:45:28,404 --> 00:45:32,464

Am I, you know, they're going

to look under the curtain and

: 1009

00:45:32,465 --> 00:45:35,635

say, he don't belong here, okay?

: 1010

00:45:35,705 --> 00:45:39,374

And so there was a fear, there

was a nervousness, right?

: 1011

00:45:39,374 --> 00:45:41,085

Because I've never done it before.

: 1012

00:45:41,345 --> 00:45:44,615

And then I was there, I wanted to make

sure that I said everything right.

: 1013

00:45:44,995 --> 00:45:46,595

I wanted to sit a certain way.

: 1014

00:45:46,845 --> 00:45:49,815

I wanted, you know, and here's the

thing, I'm the only black guy there.

: 1015

00:45:50,300 --> 00:45:50,880

Okay.

: 1016

00:45:51,060 --> 00:45:53,520

So then, then you have to throw it

in as she talked about, you have

: 1017

00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,200

to throw that into the equation.

: 1018

00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,140

All right.

: 1019

00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:57,800

So, you know, pardon me.

: 1020

00:45:57,870 --> 00:45:59,330

And then let's be fair.

: 1021

00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:04,199

It was, you know, the cup, the numbers,

the company wasn't growing like it should.

: 1022

00:46:04,199 --> 00:46:06,389

So it's like, is this because of me?

: 1023

00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,879

Is this, so these are the

things that self doubt.

: 1024

00:46:10,270 --> 00:46:13,580

That you start dealing with now, I

remember I was working with the life

: 1025

00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:17,640

coach at that time and, you know,

and I, we would meet once a week and

: 1026

00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:18,880

I would tell her what was going on.

: 1027

00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,050

She was awesome.

: 1028

00:46:20,330 --> 00:46:23,080

And she was the 1 saying

Tony you're in your head.

: 1029

00:46:23,870 --> 00:46:27,024

I'm saying you deserve

this job because you are.

: 1030

00:46:27,025 --> 00:46:28,675

You, they were, you

were the best candidate.

: 1031

00:46:28,675 --> 00:46:30,035

You had done a lot of this work.

: 1032

00:46:30,045 --> 00:46:30,555

Yes.

: 1033

00:46:30,755 --> 00:46:33,775

There's stuff here that you never

done before, but those people that

: 1034

00:46:33,775 --> 00:46:36,605

sitting around the boardroom, they

only know this because they've

: 1035

00:46:36,605 --> 00:46:37,895

been doing it longer than you.

: 1036

00:46:37,925 --> 00:46:40,504

Not because there's some

genius what the case may be.

: 1037

00:46:40,715 --> 00:46:44,244

So she was good in terms of

pumping up my, my confidence and

: 1038

00:46:44,255 --> 00:46:45,934

getting, getting me out of my head.

: 1039

00:46:46,285 --> 00:46:49,865

But those are the things that

people will deal with when it

: 1040

00:46:49,865 --> 00:46:51,465

comes to imposter syndrome.

: 1041

00:46:51,675 --> 00:46:56,395

And nine times out of 10, they

are adequate enough to To do these

: 1042

00:46:56,395 --> 00:46:58,745

roles, but it's a mental thing.

: 1043

00:46:58,935 --> 00:47:02,765

And a lot of times because they don't

have the sponsorships or the mentorships

: 1044

00:47:03,055 --> 00:47:07,545

in terms of people, you know, teaching

you about these things and how to

: 1045

00:47:07,545 --> 00:47:09,625

deal with and how to do these things.

: 1046

00:47:09,895 --> 00:47:11,634

And that's what, that's what can happen.

: 1047

00:47:12,765 --> 00:47:15,265

Chris P. Reed: But a lot of times

when you're young, Tony, you don't

: 1048

00:47:15,265 --> 00:47:19,005

have the discernment to know the

difference between if it's a bad actor.

: 1049

00:47:19,295 --> 00:47:21,255

Or if it's your lack of capability.

: 1050

00:47:21,255 --> 00:47:23,875

So there's something called a

Peter, the Peter principle, right?

: 1051

00:47:23,875 --> 00:47:26,055

Where you get promoted to

your level of incompetence.

: 1052

00:47:26,555 --> 00:47:31,984

And so for me and my situation, I was

young to where I didn't realize until I

: 1053

00:47:31,984 --> 00:47:37,415

got mentors, sponsors, you know, people

that invested in me to tell me it was in

: 1054

00:47:37,415 --> 00:47:42,845

my head because what I was going by with

what my leader was expressing to me was.

: 1055

00:47:43,385 --> 00:47:44,985

Uh, inefficient or incapable.

: 1056

00:47:44,985 --> 00:47:49,425

And so I didn't discern that this was her

and her inadequacies or her insecurities.

: 1057

00:47:49,805 --> 00:47:53,085

I believe what she was saying

verbatim because my entire career

: 1058

00:47:53,085 --> 00:47:56,795

up to that point, I had overachieved

my entire career up to that point.

: 1059

00:47:56,835 --> 00:47:58,525

I had been promoted and

promoted and promoted.

: 1060

00:47:58,795 --> 00:48:01,915

And I felt like, wait a second,

did I finally reach my level?

: 1061

00:48:02,450 --> 00:48:03,180

Of incompetence.

: 1062

00:48:03,190 --> 00:48:05,630

Did I reach the level to

where this is it for me?

: 1063

00:48:05,660 --> 00:48:08,930

And I thought it, how I saw

my trajectory, it was low.

: 1064

00:48:09,030 --> 00:48:10,360

It was very low.

: 1065

00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,590

And I was like, if this is it,

I'm a buyer one and that's it.

: 1066

00:48:14,180 --> 00:48:16,570

And I did all this damn school

and all this other stuff.

: 1067

00:48:16,850 --> 00:48:19,770

This is not going to work for

me, but it took for me to be

: 1068

00:48:19,779 --> 00:48:21,960

vulnerable and speak to people.

: 1069

00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,960

Cause I didn't grow up around a lot

of learned individuals and scholastic,

: 1070

00:48:24,970 --> 00:48:26,910

you know, folks that had corporate.

: 1071

00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:27,760

That's another thing.

: 1072

00:48:27,990 --> 00:48:30,630

I didn't have a lot of corporate

people in my family or in my life.

: 1073

00:48:31,345 --> 00:48:34,695

And I had a lot of workers, not

a lot of leaders that I had, you

: 1074

00:48:34,695 --> 00:48:36,115

know, close relationships with.

: 1075

00:48:36,345 --> 00:48:40,044

So it took a lot for me when, like

I said, when she was out and that

: 1076

00:48:40,045 --> 00:48:43,014

woman came in, Nikki Barnes and

Nikki put me in her office, it was

: 1077

00:48:43,015 --> 00:48:44,855

like, you are extremely defensive.

: 1078

00:48:45,455 --> 00:48:49,964

I mean, every time something is said,

you got all these emails and receipts

: 1079

00:48:50,005 --> 00:48:54,975

that you come in and I was like, I was

so, you know, scarred at that point.

: 1080

00:48:55,015 --> 00:48:58,255

And she gave me grace and told

me, this is what you need to do.

: 1081

00:48:58,255 --> 00:48:59,614

This is how you should be approaching it.

: 1082

00:49:00,060 --> 00:49:00,950

Talk to this person.

: 1083

00:49:01,220 --> 00:49:04,870

This is, you're doing a great

job and that's all I needed.

: 1084

00:49:05,050 --> 00:49:08,550

You know, just like any athlete, sometimes

you just need somebody to believe in

: 1085

00:49:08,550 --> 00:49:12,020

you and then you can show up and show

out and be who you naturally are.

: 1086

00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:17,220

But I had this lady that was dimming

my light and I didn't realize that,

: 1087

00:49:17,260 --> 00:49:19,889

um, she was so effective at it.

: 1088

00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:20,320

Right.

: 1089

00:49:20,420 --> 00:49:20,500

And

: 1090

00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:24,140

Chris P. Reed: so that's when I was like,

man, maybe, maybe she knows more than I,

: 1091

00:49:24,490 --> 00:49:26,320

maybe, you know, it's something going on.

: 1092

00:49:26,580 --> 00:49:28,190

And I tell this story all the time.

: 1093

00:49:28,580 --> 00:49:31,570

And so, you know, a year

into it, she's my boss.

: 1094

00:49:31,580 --> 00:49:32,420

She's the horrible boss.

: 1095

00:49:32,420 --> 00:49:34,900

And I'm talking to my teammates

and they're telling me that

: 1096

00:49:34,900 --> 00:49:36,599

she has a degree in music.

: 1097

00:49:37,910 --> 00:49:38,619

And what does we do?

: 1098

00:49:39,770 --> 00:49:42,960

And it was, things started to be

revealed to me that I was like,

: 1099

00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:44,710

Oh, this is her problem with me.

: 1100

00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:45,900

This is this.

: 1101

00:49:46,260 --> 00:49:49,050

And like you stated, ironically

at a corporate headquarters.

: 1102

00:49:49,505 --> 00:49:51,145

It was 88 people on the floor.

: 1103

00:49:51,145 --> 00:49:52,005

Three of us was black,

: 1104

00:49:52,445 --> 00:49:52,825

right?

: 1105

00:49:52,955 --> 00:49:53,155

Right.

: 1106

00:49:53,165 --> 00:49:54,255

Chris P. Reed: Nobody else on my team.

: 1107

00:49:54,455 --> 00:49:54,735

Right.

: 1108

00:49:54,755 --> 00:49:56,235

Chris P. Reed: And so a

lot of that was playing.

: 1109

00:49:56,365 --> 00:49:57,095

I was young.

: 1110

00:49:57,155 --> 00:49:57,804

I was black.

: 1111

00:49:58,055 --> 00:49:59,575

I was, I didn't have a life.

: 1112

00:49:59,625 --> 00:50:00,905

All I had was that job.

: 1113

00:50:00,905 --> 00:50:02,904

So I was doing the hell out of that job.

: 1114

00:50:03,294 --> 00:50:04,544

And that was another thing.

: 1115

00:50:04,544 --> 00:50:05,654

Cause I was pushing the pace.

: 1116

00:50:05,925 --> 00:50:07,124

I was asking for more.

: 1117

00:50:07,354 --> 00:50:10,585

I was winning awards and different

things like that for the things that

: 1118

00:50:10,585 --> 00:50:14,055

I was allowed to do, you know, on

a smaller level, but I never got a

: 1119

00:50:14,055 --> 00:50:15,375

chance to get into those big projects.

: 1120

00:50:15,375 --> 00:50:16,084

And I started thinking.

: 1121

00:50:16,435 --> 00:50:17,185

It was me.

: 1122

00:50:17,405 --> 00:50:21,135

Once again, as we stated, you have

to have someone to pull you out.

: 1123

00:50:21,135 --> 00:50:23,835

And luckily you had that life

coach to calibrate you and bring

: 1124

00:50:23,845 --> 00:50:26,875

you back to reality as opposed

to get out of your own head.

: 1125

00:50:26,965 --> 00:50:28,005

Tony Tidbit: Well, here's

the thing though, bro.

: 1126

00:50:28,005 --> 00:50:30,574

So, so sometimes you're not

going to have somebody, right?

: 1127

00:50:30,575 --> 00:50:32,755

And so this is one thing I had to learn.

: 1128

00:50:32,975 --> 00:50:34,185

Yes, she helped.

: 1129

00:50:34,264 --> 00:50:35,525

There's no question, right?

: 1130

00:50:35,704 --> 00:50:36,084

But.

: 1131

00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:39,230

The thing is, is this, and this is one

of the things we want to talk about

: 1132

00:50:39,230 --> 00:50:40,600

when we talk about imposter syndrome.

: 1133

00:50:40,830 --> 00:50:42,360

What can you do, right?

: 1134

00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:46,940

Because yes, you definitely want to have

mentors or stuff to that nature, right?

: 1135

00:50:47,170 --> 00:50:48,689

You want to have people in your corner.

: 1136

00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:52,300

Here's the thing though, and

those are great, but one of the

: 1137

00:50:52,310 --> 00:50:55,980

things I've learned in my life

is what I call reference points.

: 1138

00:50:55,980 --> 00:50:57,600

And I'll use you as an example.

: 1139

00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:01,324

You just got finished saying,

Hey, I had been successful, but I

: 1140

00:51:01,745 --> 00:51:03,525

Everywhere I went till I got here.

: 1141

00:51:03,985 --> 00:51:04,625

Okay.

: 1142

00:51:04,765 --> 00:51:06,275

So think about that for a second.

: 1143

00:51:06,665 --> 00:51:08,105

I've always thought of that as well.

: 1144

00:51:08,105 --> 00:51:11,614

Well, look, I did this, this, this,

this, and this, and I'm coming here.

: 1145

00:51:11,615 --> 00:51:14,525

Even when I started struggling in the

beginning, because I'm learning something

: 1146

00:51:14,525 --> 00:51:19,474

new, but I just knew I always lend on

those reference points that guess what?

: 1147

00:51:19,715 --> 00:51:22,785

I didn't know this and I kept doing

it and I became very good at it.

: 1148

00:51:22,785 --> 00:51:22,985

Right.

: 1149

00:51:23,055 --> 00:51:25,395

So this is no different, right?

: 1150

00:51:25,445 --> 00:51:29,104

So those are the things you got

to have your own self talk, right?

: 1151

00:51:29,105 --> 00:51:29,605

Yes.

: 1152

00:51:30,294 --> 00:51:33,695

It's great to have people around,

but you have to look at the things

: 1153

00:51:33,704 --> 00:51:37,655

that you've accomplished in your

life already up to this point.

: 1154

00:51:38,244 --> 00:51:42,155

And those things that you accomplish

in the beginning, you didn't,

: 1155

00:51:42,155 --> 00:51:43,875

wasn't good at those things either.

: 1156

00:51:44,230 --> 00:51:48,460

Okay, you had to learn how to deal with

those things and then you did and you

: 1157

00:51:48,460 --> 00:51:51,420

overcame them and you, you surpassed them.

: 1158

00:51:51,630 --> 00:51:53,550

And then that took you to here.

: 1159

00:51:53,750 --> 00:51:56,699

So that's the 1 thing when we

talk about imposter syndrome,

: 1160

00:51:57,029 --> 00:51:58,760

we have to take a step back.

: 1161

00:51:59,410 --> 00:52:03,670

And number 1 knows in our head, and

then number 2, look at our prior

: 1162

00:52:03,670 --> 00:52:09,860

accomplishments, look at how we were

uncomfortable on these other things

: 1163

00:52:09,860 --> 00:52:11,670

that we had to deal with the 1st time.

: 1164

00:52:11,999 --> 00:52:12,650

And we.

: 1165

00:52:13,300 --> 00:52:14,280

Accomplish them.

: 1166

00:52:14,670 --> 00:52:16,320

We beat them, right?

: 1167

00:52:16,430 --> 00:52:19,030

And if that's the case,

you can do it here.

: 1168

00:52:19,300 --> 00:52:23,739

And then more importantly, recognize

that the people that you think

: 1169

00:52:24,540 --> 00:52:27,220

have it all put together, right?

: 1170

00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,149

That they're on the

pedestal and they're this.

: 1171

00:52:29,159 --> 00:52:31,100

Well, they have this

title and they're that.

: 1172

00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:35,880

They don't think nine times

out of 10, they're no different

: 1173

00:52:36,150 --> 00:52:37,860

than you and me, right.

: 1174

00:52:37,860 --> 00:52:41,249

And they got there and you just said

it, you know, once you start peeling

: 1175

00:52:41,249 --> 00:52:45,419

the onion back, you find out that they,

they got their own insecurities or

: 1176

00:52:45,419 --> 00:52:48,739

they didn't graduate where they, you

thought they were, or, you know, they

: 1177

00:52:48,739 --> 00:52:54,080

speak with a lisp or they got one leg,

all the things that you may think.

: 1178

00:52:54,100 --> 00:52:54,540

Right.

: 1179

00:52:54,700 --> 00:53:00,040

So that's where we have to really

look at having people in our corner.

: 1180

00:53:00,355 --> 00:53:03,845

It's great, but nine times, and

I'm gonna say nine times, sometimes

: 1181

00:53:03,845 --> 00:53:04,475

you're not gonna have that.

: 1182

00:53:04,795 --> 00:53:07,225

You need to be able to

speak out of it yourself.

: 1183

00:53:07,995 --> 00:53:11,835

Chris P. Reed: I think for us, especially

as, as, as black people, You already

: 1184

00:53:11,835 --> 00:53:16,315

have so many other things that you start

feeling like this is just one more thing.

: 1185

00:53:16,315 --> 00:53:17,995

It's piling on at this point, right?

: 1186

00:53:18,265 --> 00:53:22,905

It's a situation where, um, as I stated

from my perspective, I was a star

: 1187

00:53:22,915 --> 00:53:27,114

everywhere and my teammates thought

that I was a up and coming star.

: 1188

00:53:27,424 --> 00:53:30,925

And it was, it's happened at this

job and another job, but at the

: 1189

00:53:30,925 --> 00:53:35,095

other job, praise the Lord, I was

more mature and I came out the fog.

: 1190

00:53:35,395 --> 00:53:36,725

And so I know exactly what she was doing.

: 1191

00:53:37,190 --> 00:53:39,610

Like, yeah, she hated me the whole

time and I could give a damn.

: 1192

00:53:39,620 --> 00:53:42,570

Like it was, I knew my numbers was this.

: 1193

00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:45,970

I let the dot the data speak for itself.

: 1194

00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:49,520

And I carried myself in

I'm number one on the team.

: 1195

00:53:49,530 --> 00:53:52,269

And I knew I was number one on the

team, not just from a data perspective,

: 1196

00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:56,480

but how the team was approaching

me, how the team rallied around me.

: 1197

00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,370

She didn't like that shine.

: 1198

00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,390

And so therefore she and I bumped

heads in that regard because

: 1199

00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:02,700

she just couldn't understand.

: 1200

00:54:03,180 --> 00:54:07,570

Why I couldn't humble myself built

more, why I couldn't fall back more

: 1201

00:54:07,590 --> 00:54:11,670

because I was trying to ascend and

I didn't know how to balance that

: 1202

00:54:11,670 --> 00:54:14,740

out to be aspirational and humble.

: 1203

00:54:14,930 --> 00:54:18,110

Like that's, that's a very

strange concoction, right?

: 1204

00:54:18,379 --> 00:54:21,530

Like either I'm on the gas or I'm

on the brakes, but I can't be on

: 1205

00:54:21,530 --> 00:54:23,170

both or else we spend in a circle.

: 1206

00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:26,450

And so, so that was a tough situation.

: 1207

00:54:26,450 --> 00:54:31,620

When you, when, have you found yourself in

a career position where You thought that

: 1208

00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:36,310

it was time and the other person didn't

want to, you weren't releasable or you

: 1209

00:54:36,310 --> 00:54:41,180

were too much of a, of a, uh, uh, integral

part for them to let you move on and grow.

: 1210

00:54:41,940 --> 00:54:42,150

Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

: 1211

00:54:42,150 --> 00:54:46,879

I mean, I, I, you know, look,

we all have situations where

: 1212

00:54:46,879 --> 00:54:48,749

everything is not going well.

: 1213

00:54:49,250 --> 00:54:55,725

Um, And a lot of them, to be

honest, was more personality stuff.

: 1214

00:54:56,285 --> 00:54:58,985

It wasn't that I couldn't do the job.

: 1215

00:54:58,985 --> 00:54:59,725

I didn't think I could.

: 1216

00:55:00,305 --> 00:55:02,965

It was just more of the people

that I was dealing with.

: 1217

00:55:03,445 --> 00:55:03,825

Right?

: 1218

00:55:03,825 --> 00:55:07,285

Because it can become a lot easier

if you got somebody to support you.

: 1219

00:55:07,655 --> 00:55:11,569

And, um, it can be, uh,

horrible if you don't.

: 1220

00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:12,210

Right.

: 1221

00:55:12,210 --> 00:55:15,560

So that's really what it comes down

to, but what we're going to do now,

: 1222

00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:18,950

we're going to pick this back up in

our next episode, because we got more

: 1223

00:55:19,260 --> 00:55:23,280

to talk about when it comes to, you

know, navigating corporate America.

: 1224

00:55:23,570 --> 00:55:25,289

Um, but final thoughts, my brother.

: 1225

00:55:26,270 --> 00:55:29,459

Chris P. Reed: Uh, I just think that,

like you said, it's, it's something that

: 1226

00:55:29,459 --> 00:55:34,820

you have to go back and check yourself

and make sure that you are really

: 1227

00:55:34,830 --> 00:55:38,840

basing this off something tangible,

as opposed to something that's just

: 1228

00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,310

made up, get out of your own head.

: 1229

00:55:40,650 --> 00:55:43,850

And speak to people who either work,

what you care about you, that you

: 1230

00:55:43,850 --> 00:55:47,120

have trust in to make sure that

you're just not making these things

: 1231

00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:49,030

up and, and, and thinking crazy.

: 1232

00:55:49,300 --> 00:55:54,280

Uh, but at the same point in time,

um, you have to have realistic, uh,

: 1233

00:55:54,300 --> 00:55:57,919

dynamics and goals, and you have

to be willing to invest in what you

: 1234

00:55:57,919 --> 00:55:59,430

want the ultimate outcome to be.

: 1235

00:55:59,830 --> 00:56:03,040

And so that would be, you know, one of

the things I think could help as you're

: 1236

00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:04,440

navigating these corporate waters.

: 1237

00:56:04,670 --> 00:56:05,640

Tony Tidbit: Absolutely, buddy.

: 1238

00:56:05,690 --> 00:56:11,170

Come in, work hard, be ambitious, get

your head right in terms of expectations.

: 1239

00:56:11,210 --> 00:56:11,830

Okay.

: 1240

00:56:12,070 --> 00:56:14,739

You're not going to get

promoted in six months.

: 1241

00:56:14,790 --> 00:56:15,400

Okay.

: 1242

00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:20,710

I mean, if it does happen, I mean, that's

great, but focus on really coming in,

: 1243

00:56:20,710 --> 00:56:23,250

learning the job, learning your coworkers.

: 1244

00:56:23,625 --> 00:56:29,545

Learning who your boss is building that

brand and really making your mark in your

: 1245

00:56:29,545 --> 00:56:34,585

work and how you do it and how you become

an asset for the organization and then

: 1246

00:56:34,585 --> 00:56:36,725

you start focusing on the next steps.

: 1247

00:56:36,995 --> 00:56:37,695

So, listen.

: 1248

00:56:38,215 --> 00:56:41,635

We want to thank everybody for

checking out this episode, how

: 1249

00:56:41,635 --> 00:56:42,765

to climb the corporate ladder.

: 1250

00:56:43,005 --> 00:56:46,545

So I think it's now

time for Tony's tidbit.

: 1251

00:56:46,575 --> 00:56:46,995

Okay.

: 1252

00:56:46,995 --> 00:56:52,485

So today's tidbit is by Robert green

and the tidbit is create a ladder of

: 1253

00:56:52,495 --> 00:56:54,964

values and priorities in your life.

: 1254

00:56:55,645 --> 00:56:59,815

Reminding yourself of what

really matters to you.

: 1255

00:56:59,855 --> 00:57:03,615

And we kind of spoke of that

today in today's episode.

: 1256

00:57:04,635 --> 00:57:05,205

Chris P. Reed: Absolutely.

: 1257

00:57:05,205 --> 00:57:09,625

servant leader, Robert Green, but, uh,

and also we want to remind you to tune

: 1258

00:57:09,625 --> 00:57:14,445

in to need to know what Nsenga don't miss

this week's need to know segment by Dr.

: 1259

00:57:14,445 --> 00:57:18,025

Nsenga Burton, black executive

perspective podcast, where Dr.

: 1260

00:57:18,025 --> 00:57:22,165

Burton dives into timely and crucial

topics that shape our community and world.

: 1261

00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:25,520

Tune in and gain unique insights

and deepen your understanding

: 1262

00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:26,530

of issues that matter.

: 1263

00:57:26,910 --> 00:57:27,810

You don't want to miss it.

: 1264

00:57:27,910 --> 00:57:28,090

Trust.

: 1265

00:57:28,090 --> 00:57:28,280

Oh,

: 1266

00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:30,630

Tony Tidbit: you don't want to miss it.

: 1267

00:57:30,860 --> 00:57:31,170

Right.

: 1268

00:57:31,170 --> 00:57:34,520

So again, hope you enjoyed our episode,

climbing the corporate ladder, overcoming

: 1269

00:57:34,530 --> 00:57:37,610

barriers and embracing, uh, empowerment.

: 1270

00:57:38,395 --> 00:57:38,895

Chris P. Reed: Absolutely.

: 1271

00:57:38,895 --> 00:57:43,315

And then we also want to challenge you

and invite you to our call of action.

: 1272

00:57:43,325 --> 00:57:50,644

Remember to incorporate L E S S less

the L is for learn, educate yourself

: 1273

00:57:50,694 --> 00:57:53,414

on racial nuances and cultural aspects.

: 1274

00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:56,850

And make sure that you learn as

much as you can, wherever you can

: 1275

00:57:56,990 --> 00:57:57,680

Tony Tidbit: exactly.

: 1276

00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:00,290

And then after you learn is E is empathy.

: 1277

00:58:00,540 --> 00:58:00,890

Okay.

: 1278

00:58:00,890 --> 00:58:05,910

Now you should be more empathetic

to your friends and colleagues about

: 1279

00:58:05,910 --> 00:58:07,410

the situations that they go through.

: 1280

00:58:08,429 --> 00:58:11,330

Chris P. Reed: And then the first S is for

share, share the things that you learned.

: 1281

00:58:11,340 --> 00:58:11,920

Don't hide it.

: 1282

00:58:11,930 --> 00:58:12,679

Divide it.

: 1283

00:58:12,810 --> 00:58:14,340

Make sure that those around you.

: 1284

00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:17,010

Understand what you've

just gained and understood.

: 1285

00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:19,500

Tony Tidbit: And then the final S is stop.

: 1286

00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,130

We want to stop discrimination

as it walks in our path.

: 1287

00:58:22,330 --> 00:58:26,339

So if grandma says something at the

Thanksgiving table, that's inappropriate.

: 1288

00:58:26,339 --> 00:58:28,489

You say, grandma, we don't say that.

: 1289

00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:31,219

We don't believe that

you stop it right then.

: 1290

00:58:31,430 --> 00:58:37,530

So if everybody can incorporate less L

E S S we'll create a more understanding

: 1291

00:58:37,540 --> 00:58:42,000

world and more important, we'll

see the change that we want to see.

: 1292

00:58:42,350 --> 00:58:44,300

Because less will become more.

: 1293

00:58:44,300 --> 00:58:45,259

And

: 1294

00:58:45,260 --> 00:58:47,920

Chris P. Reed: then also we want to

remind you to tune into the episodes,

: 1295

00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:51,580

but go on to the website, sign up

for the newsletter, please leave

: 1296

00:58:51,580 --> 00:58:54,529

your reviews and subscribe wherever

you're listening to the podcast.

: 1297

00:58:54,750 --> 00:58:56,950

And that'll help us scale

and reach you where you are.

: 1298

00:58:57,780 --> 00:58:58,270

Tony Tidbit: Exactly.

: 1299

00:58:58,270 --> 00:59:01,750

And you can follow a black executive

perspective podcast on all of

: 1300

00:59:01,750 --> 00:59:08,110

our socials, Tik TOK, X, YouTube,

Instagram, and Facebook at a black exec.

: 1301

00:59:08,515 --> 00:59:11,045

For the co host with the

most, my man, Chris P.

: 1302

00:59:11,045 --> 00:59:11,585

Reed.

: 1303

00:59:11,825 --> 00:59:15,465

All right, Noel Miller, who's

pumping the muscles behind the

: 1304

00:59:15,465 --> 00:59:17,475

glass and making this all work out.

: 1305

00:59:17,765 --> 00:59:18,975

I'm Tony Tidbit.

: 1306

00:59:19,165 --> 00:59:20,315

We talked about it.

: 1307

00:59:20,474 --> 00:59:21,265

We love you.

: 1308

00:59:21,295 --> 00:59:22,114

And guess what?

: 1309

00:59:22,415 --> 00:59:22,885

We're out.

: 1310

00:59:27,435 --> 00:59:29,995

BEP Narrator: A black

executive perspective.